Layoff….. it was a close call…. And it passed us by…..
I had my faith… not in any idol of worship, but in Sunny. In his integrity, his commitment, his record of delivering in time. But those were not the only criteria to retain an employee, I was told. With an estimated ratio that one in every four was to be laid –off, the stakes were really high. And there was no telling who would be at the receiving end. It was not solely performance–based this time. A lot of other factors were at play too. And in these times of recession and cost-cutting, there was no knowing which side one would end up. But I had my faith.
Having said that, however, there are some things that are just beyond your control, beyond your reasoning or your understanding. And whole of today I did feel a bit weighed down. More so after yesterday when Sunny said that he was feeling weak. (I couldn’t help but remember that he always felt that way before any of his exams.) I so much wanted to be there for him. It definitely was a trying time for him. And as always he had to battle it out himself. I hated that. I mean, u have to fight your own fights, but u don’t have to be alone. And Sunny not only had to fight it out but he was all by himself too in all his struggles. We could only give him words of support and comfort from the opposite side of the planet. But there was no one when he came back to his shared apartment after a dejected day. No one was there to put a comforting hand around him or even put his favorite meal to pep him up. No one beside him when he hit the bed in the night. We were all there for him and yet, we were not. And it all came back to me after speaking with him yesterday. And I felt so helpless, so damn helpless.
However, this time he isn’t alone. Neha, my angel, is there with him. And I know he is in good hands. She will do what it takes to always keep him in his elements. She is there with him and that has taken a huge load off me. I don’t worry about him as much now, and yet whole of today, I was a bit disoriented. Solely because the very fact that he wasn’t feeling very well yesterday meant he was worked up. And that I don’t like. I just couldn’t find anything to do to pass the afternoon waiting for it to be morning in Boston. I was plain restless. It had nothing to do with the layoff-thing but with my kid-brother being worked up enough to fall sick. Nothing in this world should have that effect on my kids.
And if at all it does, then I shouldn’t be so helpless as to not be able to shield them or stand by them, for them….
P.S: Sunny, u rock. And Neha, I love you. Atul, I miss you.
You guys make my world.